I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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