Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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