There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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