You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
