I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
