everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
