that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
