Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
