after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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