Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

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(315): View more from New York

yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

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(443): View more from Maryland

His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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(647): View more from Ontario

she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

(336): View more from North Carolina

THAT'S MY GIRL

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(609): View more from New Jersey

That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.

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