before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
