where am i from again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
