Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
