she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
