You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
