New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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