You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
