You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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