I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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