thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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