And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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