I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
