he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
