my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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