i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
