There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
