My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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