I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
