White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
