I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
