looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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