Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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