I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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