I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
