yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
