You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize