just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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