He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
