dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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