I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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