Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
