i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
