And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
