if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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