Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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