somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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