Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
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Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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