ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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