I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
