I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
