ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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