I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
