Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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