We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
