you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
