You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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