just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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