chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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