Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is my gift to your gina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
