He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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