Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize