so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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