U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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