bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
