now i know why i became what i already was.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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