onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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