Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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