If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
