So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
