i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
