Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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