Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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