Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
